Did you know you could predict divorce with 90% accuracy? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse behaviors can help couples save their marriage. The Four Horsemen are communication habits that can increase the chances of divorce, according to the famous psychologist Dr. John Gottman.
Many people assume that fighting ruins a relationship when in reality, arguments are pretty healthy. When you are arguing, you are talking about the things that matter to you. However, when there is a lack of effective communication, things start going downhill. If you believe your marriage has run its course, you can seek legal help from a Sandy divorce attorney.
Four things that can predict a divorce
Many people confuse criticism with complaints. Criticism is the act of pointing out a problem in the marriage or your spouse and using it to build an opinion regarding the person’s character trait. When you criticize someone, you may find yourself using the words “always” and “never” for things that your partner does.
Complaint: It is tiring for me to come home from work and find a pile of dishes in the sink.
Criticism: I come home tired from work, and it bothers me that you always leave the dishes in the sink.
Contempt refers to the feeling of being self-righteous and having moral superiority over the other person. When a person feels contemptuous, they may feel like they are always right. They may use sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, or engage in other kinds of disrespect to show that they are superior. Couples who seem to dwell in each other’s mistakes and flaws are doomed to fail in their marriages. Feelings of contempt may cause people to become arrogant and self-justifying.
When you are fighting or arguing, it is easy to become defensive. Sometimes a person can tune out what their partner is saying and begin making excuses and blaming their partner instead of taking responsibility. Sometimes couples start responding to complaints or criticism by launching their own. Defensiveness is present in almost all failing marriages.
A person experiencing stonewalling from their spouse may feel that their spouse does not care about them. They may notice that their partner looks away, remains silent, or crosses their arm during the conversation. Stonewalling can also mean giving your partner the silent treatment. It can significantly damage your marriage.
When you find one or more of these horsemen in your marriage, it is never too late to talk to your partner and seek therapy. However, if your marriage is already past the point of getting better, you can seek a divorce with the help of an attorney.